June 30 July 1 events. CANADA DAY!

Saturday

Capital Tease- Back To The Grind

   Ooooh! Kick off your Canada Day weekend with some quality burlesque!

Canadian Burlesque... sexy floating maple syrup...

   The event is a throw-back to the golden days of burlesque entertainment and features Audrey Hipturn, Kitty Kin-Evil, Vixen Vega, special guest Maria Juana of the Harlettes (from the Harlettes in Toronto), and more.
    There will also be prizes from Capital Tease, Tuesday’s the Romance Store, and others.

Mavericks, 221 Rideau Street. $12.00. 8 p.m. 613-562-3941
www.capitaltease.com

Canadian Sunset Ceremonies

Things needed for this rain-or-shine event:

• loved one(s)
• blanky
• loose change
• secret street booze

   There will be donation boxes set up to benefit the RCMP Foundation. For every dollar you don’t give, they sell a horse for glue.

RCMP Stables at the Canadian Police College, 8900 St. Laurent Boulevard. Free admission, free parking. 7:30 p.m. 613-949-8133
http://www.rcmp-grc.gc.ca

Sunday

    Canada Day is better than Christmas. There’s no snow, reciprocal guilt-gift giving, nor familial obligations.

   Downtown is flooded with thousands of people (all being remarkably courteous to one another), it’s hot, there’s food, and there’s even a tiny — unspoken — tolerance for public boozing.

   It’s the most wonderful time of the year.   
   Whether you prefer to join the crowds downtown or on the hill, barbecue in a backyard, or leer from the safety of your front porch on this kick-ass country’s day, get outside and meet someone new (it is the easiest day to make new friends).
    Canada is so awesome.

 

 

 

   

    Elephants have very intricate and intimate social circles.
    The wandering family is headed by the matriarch; the lady-elephant who is responsible for getting everyone to water/away from lions.

   Males usually ditch the herd when they reach sexual maturity. Males will usually only approach a herd to try his trunk at mating with a cow.
 

 

    Things that the elephant family unit have in common with the human family unit:

• delegation of parental responsibilities to babysitters (including discipline)
• argue about directions
• apply first-aid training
• miss loved ones
• teaching younger members tricks of the survival-trade
• ability to self-medicate

and that’s just a few of the similarities!

   The elephant’s brain is similar to a human’s both structurally and in terms of complexity; it is designed to be prepared for life-long learning. This also explains why elephants are susceptible to such psychological conditions as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and clinical flashbacks.

   Facts!

please email RA Centre event's Manager Shelley: scarbonetto@racentre.com Politely ask to have the circus cancelled.

June 23 & 24 Events

Friday

Summer Solstice Aboriginal Arts Festival

An opportunity to experience and celebrate Aboriginal culture, art, music, and other family-oriented funtivities. It’s the festival’s 15^th consecutive year and they’re pulling out all the stops to make this a memorable event including an animal display, glow in the dark planetarium, human hamster balls, and a bouncy castle.

THIS CITY IS LOUSY WITH BOUNCY CASTLES.

   Local song bird Amanda Rheaume, Juno nominee Donny Parenteau, Crystal Shawanda (performer of this tear jerker), and others will be performing on the main stage.

Vincent Massey Park, Heron & Riverside. Free admission, donations welcome. 613-564-9494

http://nadottawa.wordpress.com

Saturday

MSMF India Food Fest

The MSMF (Manjari Sankirathri Memorial Foundation) hosts this annual picnic to raise awareness and funds for the organization. MSMF was created to promote rural community development through education, health care, and disaster relief programs.

The event is kicking off with a delicious menu: masala dosa, Idli, vegetable pakoda, chaat papdi, gulabjamun, kheer, and tea!

 

And then the music, dancing, and the variety show start happening. There will also be (for an additional charge) Henna and face painting, and something called Paan. There’s nothing quite like having blood-red spittle all over your chin to wrap up your Saturday.

Andrew Haydon Park, 3169 Carling Avenue. Free admission, donations welcome. Bring your own chair or stand like a dummy. 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. 613-739-7028.

www.msmf.ca

Janelle Monáe at Ottawa Jazz

There’s so much to write about the Jazz Festival so we’re just going to focus on the amazing and adorable (sorry, Steve Martin).
You probably know Janelle from this song but you’re about to know her from this song. She’s supposed to be an amazing performer. I’ve got a big gay crush on her.

How does she get her hair like that? 

Confederation Park, Laurier & Elgin. Day ticket $49.00, Festival Pass $175.00. 8:30 p.m. 613-241-2633

www.ottawajazzfestival.com

Sunday

Blooms & Berries

It’s the fifth annual fundraiser presented by the Ottawa Humane Society Auxiliary. There are going to be vendor tables selling crafts, plant, baking, jewellery, books, and more!

The guest speaker is Ottawa personality and gardener, Ed Lawrence and will be talking about gardening without pesticides (there will be strawberry shortcake during his Q & A session). Rumour has it that there will also be door prizes.

Glebe Community centre, 175 Third Avenue. $20.00 (contact for tickets). 4 p.m.

http://ottawahumane.ca/events/blooms.cfm

All Weekend

Ottawa Dragon Boat Festival

This is going to be effing amazing. It’s North America’s largest dragon boat festival with approximately 75 000 attendees over the weekend, ceremonial activities, a beer garden, many food vendors, exhibitions, cultural presentations, BMXing, shopping opportunities, a new race every nine minutes, porta potties, and a FREE concert line up.

The concerts include PS I Love You, Hark The Herons (who I am seriously enamoured with these days), David Usher (remember?), and 12 others!

Even the Children’s Area schedule is pretty impressive with reptiles, science, magic, circus tricks, juggling, puppets, and Ottawa’s A Company of Fools! There’s even a molesty-lookin’ clown!
Mooney’s Bay Park, Riverside Drive. Free admission. Friday to Sunday. 613-238-7711
www.dragonboat.net/

   They use it to steady themselves while reaching for food, to pick up objects, and encourage a breeze to soothe their warm underbellies.

   They can even use their junk to scratch their adorable tummies.
    The elephant dong essentially does everything that a monkey can do with its tail but hilariousier.

   What’s that? Got a little schmutz on your punim? Yup, their awesome peen can just clear that right off.
    Yes, the elephant has incredible genitals.

Fact. Fun!  

RA Centre event's Manager Shelley: scarbonetto@racentre.com