October 20 & 21

I went to visit a friend in the Big Smoke this weekend and she finally put my OTW illustrative talents to practical use:

Even those porcelain owls are like, "Whaat?"

The line forms over in the Contact tab, people.

Saturday

Ottawa Valley Crafts and Collectibles Show

   What is it about this season that brings out the inner DIYer, crafter, and baker in everyone? Even the completely incompetent dip their toes in the domestic trades once the leaves turn a little burnt umberish. Pinterest is a mess right now.
   I made pom-poms for the dog's collar on Thanksgiving. Pom-poms. Why?

   So here's another craft show. There's free admission (a rarity) and free parking (a Nessie!).

   Expect hand-crafted items, home decor, culinary giftware, hand knits, vintage collectibles, y mucho más!

Library and Archives Canada, 395 Wellington Street. 9am-5pm. Free Admission, Free Parking.

http://ovccshow.com/

Oktoberfest — ByWard Market

   “Another Oktoberfest?” say you? This one is different, damn it. So different that someone who has already been to one might be compelled to go again.

   Face painting, barrel racing, The Leiderhosers, and a giant pumpkin.

   Many ByWard Market businesses are participating by serving Oktoberfest-themed dishes and drinks, hosting contests, and doing giveaways!

   The official beer tent is at the Cabin on York.

ByWard Market, 55 ByWard Market Square. 11am-4pm. 613-562-3325.

http://www.byward-market.com/en/events/oktoberfest.htm

Sunday

Pugs for Adoption

   This is just a shameless plug for an organisation that re-homes pugs who don't have families. Pugs love getting touched by people so you should do your part and go down to the market to pet a few of these guys. 

   Donations are probably most appreciated.

Brewers Park Farmer's Market, Bronson Avenue South of Riverside Avenue. 10am-4pm.

http://undermywingpugrescue.com/

All Weekend

Antiquing at The Fieldhouse

   Antique furniture, handbags that you've only seen on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, amazing jewellery, vintage fashion... it's a rich hipster's dream. Probably everything is going to be beautiful. Is all that beauty worth paying 10 dollars to see it?

   Yes.

The Fieldhouse at Carleton University, Bronson Avenue And Sunnyside. Fri 5pm-9pm, Sat 10am-5pm, Sun 10am-4pm. $10.

http://www.asinter.com/

Oct 6,7,8 THANKSGIVING

The Capital has been crazy with events these past couple weeks.

My parents visited to take me to The Gladstone to see the two-man-show Stones In His Pockets which wasn't about a quirky guy with a collection but about suicide instead. 

 

The actors, Zach Counsil and Richard Gélinas, were great. I didn't know how they would handle so many characters between the two of them but they pulled it off miraculously and without the help of such aids as light, costume, or set changes. A slight change of their inflection and posture would completely transform them. 

 

The most notable part of the play was the long-haired dreadlocked guy sitting in front of me. Not only was he 7'100'', his hair hung down to his waist and, when sitting, tickled the tops of my feet. 

 

It was an incredibly uncomfortable situation.

Click for in real life picture

The other event I went to was Oktoberfest at Clarke Fields Park in Barrhaven (not Beau's but that is definitely the one I'll be at next year). They had a few ladies in lederhosen, Hogsback beer (of which I had Pumpkin, Vintage, and something very very murky), and an Oompah band that had a very limited playlist (finding diversity in Oompah music is difficult).

The boyfriend had a really funny moment (for me) when Norm from Cheers walked by and Elliott said “nice to meet you” but they hadn't met yet. (He doesn't know I'm telling the internet this).

20 minutes from now...

Shaun Majumder was there also in, what I hope was, a mullet wig.

Friday

Just Bake it!

A charity bake sale put on by local groups, churches, and bakeries. The fun includes a Pumpkin-pie tasting competition, cake decorating demonstrations, face painting, and a raffle for a $500 Billings Bridge gift card.

Be a hit at your family's Thanksgiving with some scrumptious baked goods!

Billings Bridge Mall, 2277 Riverside Drive. 9:30 am to 2 pm. Free admission. 613-226-6434.
website 

Saturday

O-town Hoedown (Fri & Sat)

The Hoedown is an annual concert series featuring contemporary (?), alternative (?) country music. The site says rockabilly, cowpunk, folk-rock, and bluegrass. From the site: “O-Town Hoedown is 100% independent, with volunteer staff comprised of local musicians and music lovers. Everything we do is for the love of music, not money! The bands and songwriters we showcase are the best of the best indie-alt-whatever country music in Ottawa”.

The venue, Rainbow Bistro, is beautiful. It looks like a ski resort's chalet — stone and brick walls, wooden beams, skylights, multi-level viewing... gorgeous.

Tickets are only available at the door. I can't find the price of admission so if you're wary of the cost call ahead.

The Rainbow Bistro, 76 Murray Street. Fri schedule, Sat schedule. 613-241-5123
http://www.otownhoedown.com/

All Weekend

Farmer's Market

I know I tout the Farmer's Market a lot but there are so many great veggies (etcetera) that are near the end of their harvesting season which usually means larger quantities — beets, broccoli, cranberries, herbs, honey, kale, green onions, and so much more.
Also, in case everything being pumpkin-spice flavoured these days wasn't a big enough hint, pumpkins are in season. The best part about pumpkin season (besides throwing their hollowed out bodies onto neighbour-porches) is the delicious feast of roasted pumpkin seeds.

Here's my mom's — and probably a few of your mom's — classic fool-proof recipe:

Three locations , morning until early afternoon. 613-986-2770.
http://www.ottawafarmersmarket.ca/

Harvesting Energy at the Agriculture Museum

Not only is the museum's Energy Park open but poultry is huge right now. Rare Breeds Canada http://www.rarebreedscanada.ca/ will be on hand showing off their birds and talking about their initiative. There will also be a poultry-themed craft (for children, damn it).

You get to make your own apple cider. Unfortunately, this isn't a cleats and basin type of operation. They have a real press and it's probably sanitary (pssht). Don't forget your bota (or whatever) for your own dash of flavour.

Including wagon rides, bunnies, and bread making it's a great weekend at the museum.

Agriculture Museum, Prince of Wales Drive. $9.00. All Weekend, 9:30am-4pm. 613-991-3044.

www.agriculture.technomuses.ca

Now get off the internet and go spend time with your family.

July 28 & 29

Saturday

A Company of Fools: Henry V

    Henry the Fifth is described as a boy-meets-girl story with a twist. Like Freddy Prince Jr. in that movie where the twist was that the girl was pretty even without her glasses (but hopefully H.V's twist is better).
Henry V has also been compared to Saving Private Ryan and Before Sunrise.

    From the info tab: “The production promises blood and battle, bravery and romance, all with the Fool-ish twists audiences have come to know and love!”

    It's running question about what it means to be a monarch would totally resonate with anyone who's into Game of Thrones right now.
Hintonburg Park, 101 Duhamel Street. 7 p.m (90 minutes long) . Various locations http://fools.ca/ until August 18 (no shows Sundays). Donations appreciated (pass-the-hat admission).

Sunday

Ottawa Farmer's Market

   It's all the locally provided fruit, vegetables, arts & crafts, meat, and dairy you can shove into one reusable, biodegradable shopping bag! It's all of the deliciousness of getting groceries with the added bonus of being morally better than people who shop at the supermarket!
   Bonus: people bring their dogs! You can pet as many as you like! Or you can bring one and let your neighbourhood blogger pet it as much as she likes!

Lansdowne Park, 1015 Bank Street. 8 a.m. to 3 p.m every Sunday until the end of October. Cash only. 613-239-4955.

http://www.ottawafarmersmarket.ca/

 

All Weekend

Ottawa Chamberfest

    The Ottawa Chamberfest collects top Canadian and international performers, in all stages of their career, to make classical music accessible to everyone. Their Rising Stars segment features the talent of young musicians from the Capital region whereas the Alfresco Concerts IV offers a taste of Mexico's musical legacy.

Various dates, times, prices, and locations. Box office 613-234-6306 , contact 613-234-8008
www.ottawachamberfest.com

Van Gogh: Up Close

   Eeee. On the Internet, the round-up for Van Gogh “Fun Facts” include he had many mental and physical conditions, he was named after his stillborn brother, and also that he died two days after he shot himself...

   These facts are barely fun and definitely troubling.
   Presenting: Ottawa This Weekends Fun Spin on Vincent Van Gogh Fun Facts:

•  It is popularly believed that Van Gogh cut off his entire ear but some say he only lobbed off a bit of the lobe leaving plenty of room for a helix piercing

• Van Gogh died in Auver, France. If he hadn't, imagine how terrible their tourism industry would be since Ireland's got the rolling hills attraction pretty much sewn up.

• Van Gogh was Dutch which means he probably got to eat a lot of herring and mayonnaise

The exhibit is very popular so please bring your patience.

National Gallery of Canada, 380 Sussex Drive. Daily from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., Thursdays to 8 p.m. Until September 3. $25.00. 613-990-1985.

www.gallery.ca

   An elephant's trunk has around 150 000 muscles making them very flexible.
   When travelling through (or playing in) deep water, an elephant will hold his or her nostrils out of the water so they may cross relatively comfortably. Despite their incredible girth, they are very apt swimmers.

   Also, baby elephants suck on their trunk for comfort and to soothe themselves when they're nervous or uncertain. Way more adorable than stupid human babies and their plastic pacifiers.

please email RA Centre Event's Manager Shelley: scarbonetto@racentre.com Politely ask to have the circus cancelled.

June 23 & 24 Events

Friday

Summer Solstice Aboriginal Arts Festival

An opportunity to experience and celebrate Aboriginal culture, art, music, and other family-oriented funtivities. It’s the festival’s 15^th consecutive year and they’re pulling out all the stops to make this a memorable event including an animal display, glow in the dark planetarium, human hamster balls, and a bouncy castle.

THIS CITY IS LOUSY WITH BOUNCY CASTLES.

   Local song bird Amanda Rheaume, Juno nominee Donny Parenteau, Crystal Shawanda (performer of this tear jerker), and others will be performing on the main stage.

Vincent Massey Park, Heron & Riverside. Free admission, donations welcome. 613-564-9494

http://nadottawa.wordpress.com

Saturday

MSMF India Food Fest

The MSMF (Manjari Sankirathri Memorial Foundation) hosts this annual picnic to raise awareness and funds for the organization. MSMF was created to promote rural community development through education, health care, and disaster relief programs.

The event is kicking off with a delicious menu: masala dosa, Idli, vegetable pakoda, chaat papdi, gulabjamun, kheer, and tea!

 

And then the music, dancing, and the variety show start happening. There will also be (for an additional charge) Henna and face painting, and something called Paan. There’s nothing quite like having blood-red spittle all over your chin to wrap up your Saturday.

Andrew Haydon Park, 3169 Carling Avenue. Free admission, donations welcome. Bring your own chair or stand like a dummy. 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. 613-739-7028.

www.msmf.ca

Janelle Monáe at Ottawa Jazz

There’s so much to write about the Jazz Festival so we’re just going to focus on the amazing and adorable (sorry, Steve Martin).
You probably know Janelle from this song but you’re about to know her from this song. She’s supposed to be an amazing performer. I’ve got a big gay crush on her.

How does she get her hair like that? 

Confederation Park, Laurier & Elgin. Day ticket $49.00, Festival Pass $175.00. 8:30 p.m. 613-241-2633

www.ottawajazzfestival.com

Sunday

Blooms & Berries

It’s the fifth annual fundraiser presented by the Ottawa Humane Society Auxiliary. There are going to be vendor tables selling crafts, plant, baking, jewellery, books, and more!

The guest speaker is Ottawa personality and gardener, Ed Lawrence and will be talking about gardening without pesticides (there will be strawberry shortcake during his Q & A session). Rumour has it that there will also be door prizes.

Glebe Community centre, 175 Third Avenue. $20.00 (contact for tickets). 4 p.m.

http://ottawahumane.ca/events/blooms.cfm

All Weekend

Ottawa Dragon Boat Festival

This is going to be effing amazing. It’s North America’s largest dragon boat festival with approximately 75 000 attendees over the weekend, ceremonial activities, a beer garden, many food vendors, exhibitions, cultural presentations, BMXing, shopping opportunities, a new race every nine minutes, porta potties, and a FREE concert line up.

The concerts include PS I Love You, Hark The Herons (who I am seriously enamoured with these days), David Usher (remember?), and 12 others!

Even the Children’s Area schedule is pretty impressive with reptiles, science, magic, circus tricks, juggling, puppets, and Ottawa’s A Company of Fools! There’s even a molesty-lookin’ clown!
Mooney’s Bay Park, Riverside Drive. Free admission. Friday to Sunday. 613-238-7711
www.dragonboat.net/

   They use it to steady themselves while reaching for food, to pick up objects, and encourage a breeze to soothe their warm underbellies.

   They can even use their junk to scratch their adorable tummies.
    The elephant dong essentially does everything that a monkey can do with its tail but hilariousier.

   What’s that? Got a little schmutz on your punim? Yup, their awesome peen can just clear that right off.
    Yes, the elephant has incredible genitals.

Fact. Fun!  

RA Centre event's Manager Shelley: scarbonetto@racentre.com

 

June 16 & 17 events (UPDATED)

 Friday

Ottawa Horror and Fangoria Present Father's Day Ottawa Premiere at the Mayfair Theatre

    A $10 000 budget film for father's day. A man, obsessed with avenging his father, joins forces with a hot-headed, street-wise rascal to find and defeat the Father's Day Killer.

   Also addresses such Father Day oriented themes as unplanned pregnancy and sodomy.

The trailer (don't watch it).

Mayfair Theatre, 1074 Bank Street. $10.00, cash only. 11:45 p.m. to 2 a.m. Contact.

Facebook page

Saturday

BIA Lambs Down Park Festival

    The Carleton Place Business Association is the largest distribution centre for lamb wool in Canada. There will be hands-on demonstrations of sheep herding, sheep shearing, and spinning wool. There will also be fresh produce, tractor displays, A PETTING ZOO, and pony rides. There is also a Partytime Inflatables airbounce, but it's for kids only. Ugh, kids.
    After spending your day bonding with this industrious animal, hit up the food facilities to check out the special lamb dishes cooked up by local restaurants. Eeee.

Canadian Co-operative Wool Growers Limited, 142 Franktown Road. 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. 613-257-8049.

www.downtowncarletonplace.com

Carivibe Beach Festival

    Caribbean food and drink, steel bands, masqueraders, entertainers, dance groups, arts & crafts, something called a Booty camp, and sunshine!
     God damn it! There's going to be a bouncy house here, too, but it's only for kids! This egregious and continued oversight of adults who like to bounce is enraging.

Petrie Island, 727 Trim Road. $15.00. 12 p.m. to 11 p.m. ish. 613-590-1588.

http://carivibe.com

Sunday

Father's Day Antique Car Show

   You can take a picture with a 1959 Cadillac. There will also be a barbecue, a barbershop quartet (right?!), and crafts for kids.
    No word on their bouncy house situation.

Billings Estate National Historic Site, 2100 Cabot Street. $6.00. 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. 613-247-4830.

Facebook

All Weekend

Ottawa Fringe Festival

   It's a bunch of performances and shows put on to “unite artists and audiences in a fun, exploratory environment”.

   Late comers will not be admitted.

Various venues. Box Office, 2 Daly Avenue, Suite 100. $3.00 for your Fringe Pin  $13.00/show. 1 p.m. to 9 p.m. 613-232-6162.

www.ottawafringe.com

   I'll be in Orillia this weekend for Father's Day and my big brother's birthday (25 years old!). I've been working on a little project for the event and am so excited to see the family (and adopted family members, of course). Hit me up (yick. I'm too old to use that phrase) if anyone knows of a good yoga studio in the little-o.

 Father's Day 2012
a painting for my dad!
My dad is half of Ottawa This Weekend's biggest fans. For this, the day of fathers, he has an OTW-style painting of himself and three of his favourite people!

   This weekend also marked the 25th year of my big brother's life being lived (it's just like him to steal the spotlight from the daddies... ass.)
   My mom, my Jen, and I drew and cut out 25 anatomically-accurate bulldogs to stick into his front lawn. I booked it back to Ottawa before the big reveal so as to avoid the backlash. 
   Behold:

You can only see 10 here but trust me... there are 25.

I'm still waiting on pictures of their real-life bulldog interacting with these ones.

June 9 & 10 Review

   In the spirit that inspires this blog I went to one of the events from this past weekend. I give Westfest six out of seven damn-we-should-have-left-earliers.

    The weather was fantastic this weekend. It was so beautiful it was paralyzing. There are so many things to do on a day when you’re completely unencumbered by shitty weather patterns. One might find all of the opportunities for fun overwhelming and become unable to prioritize which activities would be more gratifying and end up doing nothing at all.

    This phenomenon had me showing up at Westfest long after the street performers (read: hippies) were actually done doing things and most of the crowd had migrated to the main stage. I piddled away most of the day listlessly draping myself over cool surfaces and letting the dog lick ice cubes out of my hand.

inscrutable power dynamics at the Ottawa This Weekend household

    The boyfriend and I headed straight to the main stage when we arrived on the off-chance that Steven Page would step out at exactly that moment. When he didn’t, we wove through the crowd of people and found the Stone Soup Foodworks’ food truck. I ordered their homemade lemon grass and lime soda (HOMEMADE!) which was so effing delicious that it almost made me swear in this sentence. I also had their vegan nacho/taco thing. The nacho/taco bit was round, flat, and soft and forced me to eat the food like a burrito.

don't be ridiculous.

    There were black beans, cilantro, jalapenos, and maybe something else. I dropped most of it down my shirt while trying to get as much into my mouth as I could manage in one go.

    After a quick tour around where the festival was during the day we ended up back at the main stage just in time to hear Steven Page play. He had a cellist playing alongside him and it was magical. I can’t wait to get my hands on his new album.
I really wonder how he keeps inspired after all these years..

 

come on...

    When I was about four-years-old, I was at a friend’s house (who is a little older than me and had cable t.v.) when a Barenaked Ladies’ music video came on. We listened exclusively to country music at our house so I was unfamiliar with the band.

    When I arrived home, my mom asked me what we got up to at my friend’s house:

    My mother was perturbed and my friend had to spend several minutes on the phone desperately trying to explain that the video was of a folky pop band and not an innocence-ruining display of free spirited nudity.

   On Sunday, I met some friends at Cornerstone Bar and Grill where I had the hands-down best apple crumble I have ever tasted.  

   Don’t even stay for real food (the servers are too bitchy for an extended stay). Get in, get crumble, get out. Perfect.

   After lunch, we stopped to watch a man take pictures of his parrots with people who were willing to pay. I, obviously, passed over such a cheap ploy for tourist dollars

nope.

   I don’t have the best of luck with exotic animals. I love them so much and they just want to defend themselves against me. As the man started loading his cigarette-smelling birds onto my body they started to get a little pecky. The one that was quirkily placed on my head started to pull out my hair. The man moved it to my arm where it promptly pulled down my neckline to bite at my bra strap. 
Two leering homeless men made fun of me. 

   p.s. These assholes are back. 

June 2nd Weekend Events

Saturday

Pet Valu Grand Opening

   Normally, a store’s opening event wouldn’t make it to the blog but this one involves kitties, damn it. 
About once every two months, I’m overcome with the urge to adopt a cat and then spend far too much time loitering in front of the adoptable’s cages, dangling a life that will never be in front of them.
   This is what I was doing when the very polite cashier suggested that I come on by this Saturday for the Ottawa Humane Society’s on-site Cat Adoption. There’s going to be refreshments, a raffle, and 25% off on beds, bowls, toys, and other cat-cessories to make it just a little bit harder to justify not getting a cat.

   Also, there are going to be greyhounds from Greyhound Supporters of the NCR there! Have you seen a greyhound in the flesh? They have the legs of a striding deer. The space between the paw and the ankle of a greyhound’s back leg is as long as my forearm. I was petting one once and my hands couldn’t fully cover its snout. They’re amazing. Go gawk.

PetValu, 1460 Merivale Road. 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. 613-225-4440.

www.petvalu.com

Dan's Birthday (or, $5.00 Extreme Caesars)

   It’s Dan Featherstone’s birthday party! We can’t be sure which one because he hasn’t listed his year of birth on his Facebook like some sort of predator.

 

   He is in the top seven of my most favourite people and top favourite patio-beer companion! Come down to James Street pub to say Happy Birthday! 
James Street Pub, 390 Bank Street. Open until 2 a.m. 613-565-4700.

www.heartandcrown.ca/

Legends in the Making

   Canadian Dave Merheje and Ugandan-Canadian Arthur Simeon are hitting the stage at Ottawa Little Theatre for a night of comedy. The description on the website says that the show “is probably going to make you laugh so much you’ll clap at least once.”  which is the least interesting and half-hearted description ever. On the side of water bottles it says “ingredients: water” and that gets me more revved up than that stupid synopsis. Yick.

   These two comedians are the storytelling kind which is objectively the best kind.

Part of the proceeds will go to the Canadian Friends of Pearl Children. 

Ottawa Little Theatre, 400 King Edward Avenue. $25.00. 8 p.m. 613-233-8948

www.ottawalittletheatre.com

Capital City Derby Dolls vs Kingston's Rogue Warriors

and just because I'm learning to love 'em so darn much, here's a repeat listing. Let's

see if we can make them famous.

Jack Charron Arena, 10 McKitrick Drive. $7.00 in advance, $10.0 at the door. 7 p.m.

http://www.facebook.com/CapitalCityDerbyDolls

DIY tutorial –Lace Pattern Paint

   The capital’s a little sleepy this weekend so, to keep you busy and feeling productive on this rainy weekend, here’s one way to freshen up a household item (I found this project here and there are so many other awesome ones).

   I chose our coffee table as a birthday gift probably two years ago. I picked out a black one because our television is black and I wanted a coordinated look.

   Decorating doesn’t come easily to me.

Having a black table has been hell so I decided to paint the whole thing white and make a lace-patterned design. Here’s how:

Things you’ll need:

·         Decoratable item (table, picture frame, bookshelf shelves, journal, etc)

·         Lace (enough to cover item completely)

·         Spray paint

·         Scissors

·         Tape

·         Beer

Measure out the lace and put it aside in a dust-free space

After painting the whole object in your base paint (two to three coats of spray) tape off the edges that you don’t want any secondary colour to touch. Tightly secure the lace to the object.

Spray your secondary colour as evenly or unevenly as you like over the lace, being careful not to angle the trajectory too low (or you’ll lose that lacey look)

After 20 minutes (just in case), peel off the tape and swiftly pull away the lace. Check out the sweet pattern.

Apply a finish and get back to using the object how you please.