October 27 & 28 Review

    I was sick this past weekend. I reached out for support and was offered every home-remedy ranging from rest and tea to Nyquil and beer. I decided to beat the shit out of the sickness with the unbridled power of yoga:

    Regular bodily functions are a terrible thing to have in spandex among ten fit strangers; gassiness, coughing, and having an unstoppable itch are all natural things that are amplified in a quiet and zen room. Having a case of plugged-sinuses made me feel incredibly self-conscious and justifiably gross:

  

   After sleevin' it for the rest of the class, I was relieved to unwind in the least judgemental place on Earth — the city bus.

   A year ago, my friend taught me how to crochet. I vaguely remember her becoming frustrated with my slow learning progress and threatening me with physical violence. She can't hold a candle to this crochet-shaming bus-monster:

   This lady noticed my craft and confided that she too knows how to crochet.

   “Do you know how to make a chain?” she asked sweetly/menacingly.

   “I think so,” said I with trust and foolishness.

   “Here,” she said while taking my yarn and stick away from me.

  I didn't realise I had been crocheting all wrong. This is how I crochet:

when I should be crocheting like:

   There's this hand-contortion that you're supposed to do to make the process look effortless. It's something like:

and I just couldn't get my hand to stay folded in that position. If left unsupervised, the hand would unfurl and go back to groping and mishandling the yarn.

   The lady kept taking the crochet from me to demonstrate. Each time, she would walk me through the steps, hand the yarn back, and look around the bus to make eye contact with someone so she could shrug and shake her head like “Can you believe this girl?”

can you believe she actually said that?

  But really, the lady was incredibly adorable during the entire bus ride and, as a bonus, we used the impromptu lesson to ignore the drunk, dishevelled vagrant who was yelling to us.

Oct 20/21 Review / A Cat.

   

   This weekend I met up with a friend from college to wander around the city to see what we could see. 

   We went down to the Market where something NFL themed was going on. We watched children pathetically throw footballs through tires and they were awful at it.

   

   I looked for the giant pumpkin but didn't see it which means it clearly wasn't big enough.

   Another thing that's happening is that my friend, Dustin, is moving Out West to be a cowboy or an oil tycoon or a Chinese immigrant or something. In doing so, he's leaving behind this wittle orange kitty, Minnie.

    Minnie is a furry little beer-swilling dumpling of complicated emotions. She is definitely on the spectrum. She avoids eye contact, doesn't want to sustain a cuddle, and is incredibly non-verbal. Also, it's probably unrelated but she might also have a mild case of micrognathia.

    Right now, she's living with Dustin's roommates and is reportedly happy. However, the big move Out West presents a need for Minnie to have a home with regular and present guardians and maybe a friend to hang out with...

I propose:

 

   His name is Biggie and her name is Minnie. It's fate.

    They've met tons of times and it always goes really well.

    They're like a fuzzier and more idiotic version of Milo and Otis. Who in their right mind would pass up that opportunity for a pairing?

  Fools would.

  It's true that Dustin has already raised a cat with my friend Jessica and so has hastily decided that she would be a good choice to take care of Minnie. 

 

  I want to destroy her.

  Jess is awesome but I will besmirch her character and throw her under every bus until that cat is mine.

  I've already started spreading little white lies around the cat-community to undermine her capabilities as a suitable cat-owner:

   “I once saw her pull on her cat's tail for no reason.”

   “She drove her last cat to the brink of cat-madness.”

and

   “She once strangled a cat.”

the cat community is also the knitting community

   The whole project is incredibly time-consuming. 

#TeamMiggie

   

October 20 & 21

I went to visit a friend in the Big Smoke this weekend and she finally put my OTW illustrative talents to practical use:

Even those porcelain owls are like, "Whaat?"

The line forms over in the Contact tab, people.

Saturday

Ottawa Valley Crafts and Collectibles Show

   What is it about this season that brings out the inner DIYer, crafter, and baker in everyone? Even the completely incompetent dip their toes in the domestic trades once the leaves turn a little burnt umberish. Pinterest is a mess right now.
   I made pom-poms for the dog's collar on Thanksgiving. Pom-poms. Why?

   So here's another craft show. There's free admission (a rarity) and free parking (a Nessie!).

   Expect hand-crafted items, home decor, culinary giftware, hand knits, vintage collectibles, y mucho más!

Library and Archives Canada, 395 Wellington Street. 9am-5pm. Free Admission, Free Parking.

http://ovccshow.com/

Oktoberfest — ByWard Market

   “Another Oktoberfest?” say you? This one is different, damn it. So different that someone who has already been to one might be compelled to go again.

   Face painting, barrel racing, The Leiderhosers, and a giant pumpkin.

   Many ByWard Market businesses are participating by serving Oktoberfest-themed dishes and drinks, hosting contests, and doing giveaways!

   The official beer tent is at the Cabin on York.

ByWard Market, 55 ByWard Market Square. 11am-4pm. 613-562-3325.

http://www.byward-market.com/en/events/oktoberfest.htm

Sunday

Pugs for Adoption

   This is just a shameless plug for an organisation that re-homes pugs who don't have families. Pugs love getting touched by people so you should do your part and go down to the market to pet a few of these guys. 

   Donations are probably most appreciated.

Brewers Park Farmer's Market, Bronson Avenue South of Riverside Avenue. 10am-4pm.

http://undermywingpugrescue.com/

All Weekend

Antiquing at The Fieldhouse

   Antique furniture, handbags that you've only seen on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, amazing jewellery, vintage fashion... it's a rich hipster's dream. Probably everything is going to be beautiful. Is all that beauty worth paying 10 dollars to see it?

   Yes.

The Fieldhouse at Carleton University, Bronson Avenue And Sunnyside. Fri 5pm-9pm, Sat 10am-5pm, Sun 10am-4pm. $10.

http://www.asinter.com/

October 13 & 14

    I made pumpkin seeds a la last week's post 

"You're going to be inedible soon. I better wander away."

    However, instead of staying diligent I had some holiday-rum and I let them burn. They were terrible. Make sure your time isn't being occupied elsewhere when you tackle this snack. (p.s. I ate them anyways because I'm a sad and stubborn person).

Saturday

Capital City Cabaret

    You never knew this town had so much burlesque, did you? Damn, you bureaucrats get down.

    St Brigid's Centre for the Arts is hosting Toronto's vaudeville legends, Parker & Seville, and burlesque, boylesque, cabaret, comedy, sideshow, and vaudeville. Dress up nicely, for goodness sake, and get ready to dance between the pews. There's an amazing lineup of entertainers (see their Facebook for details) and varied acts such as fire-breathing, belly-dancing, a painted lady, a hoop dance, juggling, and a god damn cash bar.

    The following morning there will be a pancake breakfast (at 10am, $5.00). These two events are not related.

To be honest, you guys, I'm not actually sure how burlesque works.

St. Brigid's Centre for the Arts, 302 St Patrick Street. 9p.m. $25 in advance (online, at Auntie Loo's Treats , or The Record Shaap), or here, here , or here. $30 at the door.
Facebook 

Ottawa's first Brewery Market

Like a Farmer's Market where the vegetables/meats/confectioneries are beer.

I really don't know what else you'd need to know.

   Let's see: 10 breweries from the Ottawa region, an opportunity to learn about local beer, sometimes there are specialty beers. Anyways. Brewery Market.

1000 Wellingston Street West. 12pm-8pm. Free Admission.
http://brewerymarket.com/

Sunday

A Curious Craft Show & Swap

    From the info site: “A curious craft show presents over 30 fabulous local artists, designers, makers and creators where you will find unique hand crafted treats from art and accessories to housewares and kid's stuff. We will also feature our popular "Crafter's Swap" — Everyone is welcome to bring any crafting tools or supplies no longer needed and can leave them at the table to swap for free! Any craft goes, just bring it in and give someone else the opportunity to pick up a new skill. Then help yourself to that jar of buttons or set of paintbrushes and go home inspired to create.”

    This is another one of those events that I can't find the admission price for so bring $10 and hope for the best.

Jack Purcell Community Centre, 320 Jack Purcell Lane. 11 a.m. 613-564-1050

info 

All Weekend

Sexapalooza!

Sexapalooza is a consumer sex show — a place for product and service providers to meet and sell directly to their customers. Like a sex trade-show but not a sex-trade show. Hm. Cheneka and I went in February. Although we felt we would have done a way better event-managing job it was still a good time. They had a Dungeon (no photography) where some fat guy zapped us with a mini science-ball, a cinema set-up where we saw some labias, and a creepy guy who took this photo for us:

CE Centre — Hall 2, 4899 Uplands Drive. Click here for hours. Save online or $20 at the door ($30 for the weekend). 888-822-9221.

sexapalooza.ca 

The Ottawa Wedding Show

If you leave Sexapalooza with the feeling that you and your fornicating-partner need to be doing it for the rest of your lives, just wander down the hall and check out the Ottawa Wedding Show. Wedding gowns, wedding cars, wedding butt plugs, wedding party-gifts all under one roof.

There will be over 125 wedding suppliers — you're bound to find something to inspire your special day or doily collection.
   I'm fine.

CE Centre, 4899 Uplands Drive. Saturday & Sunday 11am-5pm. FREE admission. 613-829-6764 ex 1.

http://www.ottawaweddingshow.com

   

Oct 6,7,8 THANKSGIVING

The Capital has been crazy with events these past couple weeks.

My parents visited to take me to The Gladstone to see the two-man-show Stones In His Pockets which wasn't about a quirky guy with a collection but about suicide instead. 

 

The actors, Zach Counsil and Richard Gélinas, were great. I didn't know how they would handle so many characters between the two of them but they pulled it off miraculously and without the help of such aids as light, costume, or set changes. A slight change of their inflection and posture would completely transform them. 

 

The most notable part of the play was the long-haired dreadlocked guy sitting in front of me. Not only was he 7'100'', his hair hung down to his waist and, when sitting, tickled the tops of my feet. 

 

It was an incredibly uncomfortable situation.

Click for in real life picture

The other event I went to was Oktoberfest at Clarke Fields Park in Barrhaven (not Beau's but that is definitely the one I'll be at next year). They had a few ladies in lederhosen, Hogsback beer (of which I had Pumpkin, Vintage, and something very very murky), and an Oompah band that had a very limited playlist (finding diversity in Oompah music is difficult).

The boyfriend had a really funny moment (for me) when Norm from Cheers walked by and Elliott said “nice to meet you” but they hadn't met yet. (He doesn't know I'm telling the internet this).

20 minutes from now...

Shaun Majumder was there also in, what I hope was, a mullet wig.

Friday

Just Bake it!

A charity bake sale put on by local groups, churches, and bakeries. The fun includes a Pumpkin-pie tasting competition, cake decorating demonstrations, face painting, and a raffle for a $500 Billings Bridge gift card.

Be a hit at your family's Thanksgiving with some scrumptious baked goods!

Billings Bridge Mall, 2277 Riverside Drive. 9:30 am to 2 pm. Free admission. 613-226-6434.
website 

Saturday

O-town Hoedown (Fri & Sat)

The Hoedown is an annual concert series featuring contemporary (?), alternative (?) country music. The site says rockabilly, cowpunk, folk-rock, and bluegrass. From the site: “O-Town Hoedown is 100% independent, with volunteer staff comprised of local musicians and music lovers. Everything we do is for the love of music, not money! The bands and songwriters we showcase are the best of the best indie-alt-whatever country music in Ottawa”.

The venue, Rainbow Bistro, is beautiful. It looks like a ski resort's chalet — stone and brick walls, wooden beams, skylights, multi-level viewing... gorgeous.

Tickets are only available at the door. I can't find the price of admission so if you're wary of the cost call ahead.

The Rainbow Bistro, 76 Murray Street. Fri schedule, Sat schedule. 613-241-5123
http://www.otownhoedown.com/

All Weekend

Farmer's Market

I know I tout the Farmer's Market a lot but there are so many great veggies (etcetera) that are near the end of their harvesting season which usually means larger quantities — beets, broccoli, cranberries, herbs, honey, kale, green onions, and so much more.
Also, in case everything being pumpkin-spice flavoured these days wasn't a big enough hint, pumpkins are in season. The best part about pumpkin season (besides throwing their hollowed out bodies onto neighbour-porches) is the delicious feast of roasted pumpkin seeds.

Here's my mom's — and probably a few of your mom's — classic fool-proof recipe:

Three locations , morning until early afternoon. 613-986-2770.
http://www.ottawafarmersmarket.ca/

Harvesting Energy at the Agriculture Museum

Not only is the museum's Energy Park open but poultry is huge right now. Rare Breeds Canada http://www.rarebreedscanada.ca/ will be on hand showing off their birds and talking about their initiative. There will also be a poultry-themed craft (for children, damn it).

You get to make your own apple cider. Unfortunately, this isn't a cleats and basin type of operation. They have a real press and it's probably sanitary (pssht). Don't forget your bota (or whatever) for your own dash of flavour.

Including wagon rides, bunnies, and bread making it's a great weekend at the museum.

Agriculture Museum, Prince of Wales Drive. $9.00. All Weekend, 9:30am-4pm. 613-991-3044.

www.agriculture.technomuses.ca

Now get off the internet and go spend time with your family.

Ads on OTW

Happy Sunday!
   I wanted to pop in quickly because I noticed that blogspot is now posting ads on the blogs they host without permission.
   If the ads aren't shilling pug-related accessories, vegan cheese, or the best places to buy non-maternity elastic-waisted jeans then I did not approve them.
   So, to do your part, don't click on any ads on the site because then dumb blogspot will want to keep them there.

Now check out these ads:

September 22 & 23 Events UPDATED

Saturday

Nuit Blanche

    IT'S NUIT BLANCHE, YOU GUYS!
    This is the very first year that this all-night event is in Ottawa and it's getting me pumped! This year's working theme is Life Is Beautiful. Art and cultural venues will remain open late into the night in the Byward Market and the Hintonburg neighbourhood. Wait, there's also something called “Roaming” where artists... roam. Here's the link to those ones (right here). I don't know how to find where they will be roaming... so... just tell anyone you see who looks a little homeless that you like their art and hope for the right reaction.

    Also, there are installations around the city that are not in the Byward Market or Hintonburg area but in a place called Outerspace.

   Okay, here's a map. Good luck!

Check out the official website http://www.nuitblancheottawa.ca/ for more information.

Art Show

    This art show will have 20 exhibitors with original fine arts and crafts. Sometimes these things have a booth selling homemade jams and jellies; with Thanksgiving right around the corner you can't afford to miss out on some delicious cranberry-based spreads.

    Ten percent of the sales will go to Shepherds of Good Hope. Also, the Wine Rack is sponsoring so obviously pick some up before you head home.

Lincoln Fields Shopping Centre, 2525 Carling Avenue. 10 am - 4 pm Free admission. 613-828-3783 ext 3
info 

Get Organised

Now, now — don't turn up your nose at a library seminar about putting off procrastination. Maybe if your local OTW blogger went to one of these you wouldn't have to wait so long between review posts and maybe get your events before the Friday of the weekend.

in this order
click to expand

 Centrepointe Branch Library, 101 Centrepointe Drive. 12:30pm – 3pm. Registration required. 613-580-2940

website 

The Wholesale Outlet Fashion Show

    It's a fashion show! Twenty-five percent of the sales from the show are going to the Ottawa Hospital Cancer Research. Twist — the models are real-life cancer survivors! Expect Canadian and European clothing, jewellery, handbags, scarves, and more! It's free to attend and you need fall clothes anyways. Just go.

1877 Innes Road. Starts at 10am. Free admission. 613-748-6605.

Sunday

Jesse E. Byers

    Have a listen: here 

    It's a little bluesy, I guess, but it reminded me of the music I love from the 90's. When listening to 'Blueberry Sunday' I thought to myself “How Billy Corgan of you, Jesse E. Byers”.
    The Elmdale Tavern is super quaint and personable. It's really a great place to soak up some music so go and do that.

The Elmdale Tavern, 1084 Wellington Street West. 9pm. $5. 613-728-2848

http://www.elmdaletavern.com/

UPDATE!

Roller Derby Open House

I just caught sight of this event on my Twitter feed and had to include it. The Capital City Derby Dolls are hosting an open house. Read the review here. If this sounds like fun to you then register now and show up to Learn, Skate, Fall, (and) Repeat.

remember?

Belltown Dome, 2915 Haughton Avenue. Begins at 6p.m., show up at 5:30 for politeness. 613-828-3313
http://capitalcityderbydolls.com/

 

Sept 8 & 9

   Sorry. No pictures this week.. I would have done the usual illustrations but I actually couldn't stop watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo long enough to do it.

Friday

Stones in His Pockets

   A world famous Irish comedy! A rural Irish community is taken over by a Hollywood film crew.
   This is a two man show. Two actors play all of the roles! From what I've gleaned from online reviews it's going to be better than that scene in Mrs Doubtfire where the social worker shows up at Robin William's apartment.
   I don't know.
   The Gladstone Theatre, as mentioned before, is in a great location and makes for a wonderful evening out.

Gladstone Theatre, 910 Gladstone Avenue. 8 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday, Matinees Sunday & Monday until September 29th. $39. 613-233-4523

www.thegladstone.ca 

Sunday

Latin American Parade

   A parade? In September? Featuring one of the sexiest cultures? Olé!

   The parade demonstrates Latin-American roots found in Ottawa.
   Expect dancing, colours, and loudness!
   The accompanying fair to this parade is like two weeks from now so stay tuned for info on that.

Supreme Court of Canada, 301 Wellington Street to 110 Laurier Avenue West. 2p.m. Free admission. 613-252-2205

http://latinamericanfestival-latino.org

Yoga Aid

   Yoga Aid World Challenge is an attempt at uniting yogis around the world in an effort to raise $1 million for charity. Starting in Australia, Yoga Aid will “follow the sun” to Singapore, Hong Kong, Japan, India, Kenya, England, South Africa, Canada, and end in the US.
   The event is about two hours long.
   Register now to participate or to be a fundraiser

Confederation Park, at Elgin Street and Laurier Avenue West . 9a.m. - 11a.m.
http://www.yogaaid.com/ 

All Weekend

Ottawa Folk Festival

   From the Festival Description: “Set amidst the natural beauty of Hog’s Back Park, the Ottawa Folk Festival is a five-day celebration of music, dance, visual arts and community. Expect an eclectic mix of musical performances on two evening and five daytime stages. The event also includes participatory music workshops, special children and family performances, beer gardens, artisan and craft vendors, and much, much more. It's a family-friendly, community-focused, culturally diverse party that is also committed to sustainability and eco-friendly initiatives.”

UPDATE: the Folk Festival is rain or shine, folks! Don't let a little torrential downpour stop your fun.

Hog's Back Park, Hog's Back Road at Colonel By Drive. Gates open at 5p.m weekdays, noon on weekends, and the festivals ends before 11p.m nightly. Sept 6 until Sept 10. Pricesvary. You can pay at the gate but it's a bit of a gamble; get the tickets in advance. 613-230-8234

www.ottawafolk.com

Okay, back to Georgia-trash reality shows.

Psychic, Mystic and Seer fair Review

   

  The Psychic, Mystic and Seer Expo at the labyrinthian Nepean Sportsplex (NPS) was everything I thought it would be plus fifty dollars.

   As you move through life you're going to meet someone who has genuinely been touched by a psychic and hopefully not physically. They have a relative who's had predictions eerily come true, creepy feelings when exploring past lives, and one lady I know wouldn't let her son ride a motorcycle until he was 25 because a psychic said so (...Mother).

motorcycle source

   I don't think any of those things happened at the Psychic, Mystic and Seer Expo.

This could totally be by fault of my own. Maybe they could sense my scepticism and my interest in only their jewellery. Maybe my vibes were filthy that day. 

   Maybe I'm just a Nervous Nelly — if they can see into my future can they see into my past? Do they know about that time I fell over while drunk-peeing?

oh, god. I hope nobody psychically recalls this later.

  Maybe it was that most readings cost an average of $70.00, I don't know.

   The admission turned out to be ten dollars (which also included a chance to win their raffle). There were probably 15 vendors in all.

   Dan came with me. He's had a brush with a legit' mystic experience but wasn't feeling super confident about the folks at the NSP either.

    After wandering around for a bit we finally saw access to our future that we could afford — a $20 Spiritual Presentation of Enlightenment.   See, all you have to do is write down your first and last name, your mother's maiden name, and your date of birth. Then mystics at work print out seven pages of your possible future life, your aura colour, the name of your guardian angel, your spiritual stone, and etcetera while you browse the exposition for three to five minutes. 

 

mysteries of the oracle....

When we came back around, the seer held out my report to me:

Lady: “What do you do for a living?”
Me: “Uh, I'm... umm... I'm a writer?”

Lady: “Gasp! Read your first line.”

Me: “Spiritually, you were born with the soul of an artist.”

Lady: nods knowingly.

Also, my guardian angel is the Archangel Michael. Suck on that, lesser-people-with-lesser-guardians.

Dan had a little bit different of an interaction:

Lady: “What do you do for a living?”

Dan: “I'm in retail.”

Lady: visibly recoiling, “What do you want to do?”

Dan: “I don't know.”

Lady: “Dan, you are not done. You are not done your journey. Keep going.”

Dan: ...prolonged and sarcastic silence.

   As we read through the rest we came across an incredibly eerie prediction in Dan's report:

Your actions may or may not change the course of your future.

God speed, Dan.