May 12 & 13 Weekend

   I didn’t go to a structured event this weekend.
    It was Mother’s Day weekend. That special time of year when you reflect on all the spiteful and inexplicably mean shit you did to your mother as an emotionally stunted miniature psychopath with creepily high hormone levels and a G1 license.

   It’s also the weekend where you bust your ass trying to make up for all that nonsense with apologies cleverly disguised as thoughtful gifts.

   I live pretty far away from my mommy and feel a bit inadequate when this day rolls around. The past two years, I ordered flowers to be delivered from local shops in Orillia (because I was vying for Most Uninspired Gift, obviously) and the flower places ended up calling my mom to come pick up her own flowers, anyway. They suck at surprises.

   Earlier in April, I decided that this Mother’s Day was going to be awesome. Two days before the big day I still had no idea what to do and it was too late to order the dregs of flowers left behind by more organized people (plus I had already rage-burned all my Orillia-florist bridges). 

Armed only with a camera and desperation, I started recording the Mother’s Day That Could Have Been. Have a look-see:

    You’ll notice the sewing bit goes on a little long. It took a pathetic two hours to produce two acceptable teabags — I couldn’t look at the footage objectively in editing and agonized over every frame no matter how insignificant. 

    What you don’t see is the clueless attempts at producing cinematic magic resulting in a miffed cashier, a near-miss car-to-bike accident, and the hair at my temples being ripped out (pause at 2:26 in the video for explanation).